Helping an anxious child: 7 simple everyday steps
A stomach ache before school, repeated questions, refusing new activities: anxiety in children takes many forms. It can’t be made to vanish all at once, but we can help the child tame it, one small step at a time.
1. Acknowledge the feeling before reassuring
“It’s no big deal” comes from a good place, but the child may hear that what they feel doesn’t count. Start by naming it instead: “I can see you’re really worried about this.” A feeling that is acknowledged settles more easily.
2. Put words, and pictures, to the worry
Many children can’t explain what is going on inside them. A 1-to-5 thermometer, feelings pictures or a drawing of “the worry” make it more concrete. The more the worry is named, the less room it takes up.
3. Notice the body’s signals
A knotted stomach, a racing heart, sweaty hands: helping the child recognize these signals lets them act earlier, before the anxiety climbs too high.
4. Practise calm when things are going well
Slow breathing or a break in the calm corner are best learned when the child is calm. In the middle of a crisis, we use what we have practised. A few minutes a day is enough.
5. Make the day predictable
Announcing changes ahead of time, using a visual schedule and preparing for new situations (a visit, an outing) reduces uncertainty, which feeds anxiety.
6. Avoid avoiding
Avoiding everything scary brings relief in the moment, but the anxiety grows afterwards. It’s better to move forward in small steps: first look at the pool, then dip a toe in, then get into the water, celebrating each success.
7. Let the child be the detective
Instead of giving all the answers, ask questions: “What helped you last time?” The child remains the expert on their own life, and their own strategies are often the ones that work best.
When to ask for help
Consult a professional if the anxiety lasts several weeks, keeps the child from going to school or sleeping, or takes up a lot of room in family life. In Québec, Info-Social 811, option 2, offers psychosocial support 24 hours a day, and young people can reach Tel-jeunes at 1 800 263-2266.
